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#1
11-11-2009, 08:16 PM
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Couple Jokes ..... Please Feel Free To Add
The zoo director approaches the REDNECK janitor and says
"Our female gorilla is in heat and we need to do something fast. Would you be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500" After some careful thinking, the REDNECK replies "Sure, on 3 conditions. The first condition is, I don't want to kiss her. The second condition is, I don't want anybody else to know about this. The zoo director is quick to respond by saying "Sure, no problem, but what's the third condition?" REDNECK says " I'm going to need a few more days to come up with the last $100." Three gay guys sitting around at the funeral home start talking about their recently deceased lovers. 1st gay guy "My Tom was an excellent angler, I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favourite lake." 2nd gay guy "My Josh was an excellent golfer, I'm going to scatter his ashes at our favourite golf course." 3rd gay guy "My Larry was an excellent lover, I'm going to scatter his ashes in a nice big hot bowl of chilli ..... so he can tear my ass up one last time." 
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#2
11-11-2009, 08:27 PM
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OMG! The second joke is hilarious.
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#3
11-12-2009, 12:47 AM
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A woman approaches a man at a party and says, "Hello, my name is Carmen."
The man replies, "That's a beautiful name. Is it after someone in your family?" She returns, "Actually it's not my real name. I chose it because it has the two things I love most in it; Cars and Men... so, Carmen. What's your name?" The man replies, "B.J. Titsengolf."
__________________
"Life has no meaning but what we give it. I wish a few more of ye would give it a little" - Elminster of Shadowdale Support ATVing in Manitoba and join your local ATVMB affiliated club today! If you do not have a club in your area, start one!
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#4
11-12-2009, 06:53 AM
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Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there. "Name's Enoch. Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Havin' a party Saturday. Thought you'd like to come." "Great," says Sam. "After six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can do that with the best of them." Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin', too." Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that's not a problem," says Sam. "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear to the party?" Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. It's just gonna be the two of us."
__________________
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.  "Only the stupid need organization, the genius controls the chaos!" - Albert Einstein
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#5
11-12-2009, 09:59 AM
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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a rum. The bartender notices that the pirate has what looks to be a ship's steering wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, but says nothing.
A while later, the pirate orders another rum, and again the bartender says nothing about the ship's steering wheel sticking out of the pirate's pants. A short time later, the pirate orders another rum, but this time the bartender just has to ask, "Excuse me cap'n, but I couldn't help buy notice you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants....What's the deal?" The pirate responds, "Yarrrrrr, she be drivin' me nuts"
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The internet doesn't make you stupid, it just makes your stupidity available to more people.
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#6
11-12-2009, 11:41 AM
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What's worse than locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic???
Going inside and asking for a coat hanger.  
__________________
2004 Yamaha Grizzly 660 K+N Air Filter Warn Winch 2 Up Seat Mudlites Everything Else is Stock  
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#7
11-12-2009, 01:38 PM
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How I learned to mind my own business...
I was walking past the Selkirk mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on..... Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
__________________
2008 Sportsman 500 EFI 2003 Polaris 500 Classic 1995 Yamaha Blaster 1983 Honda ATC200 1983 Honda XR100  
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#8
11-12-2009, 01:40 PM
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Got this one in an email....
__________________
2008 Sportsman 500 EFI 2003 Polaris 500 Classic 1995 Yamaha Blaster 1983 Honda ATC200 1983 Honda XR100
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#9
11-12-2009, 01:49 PM
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Three little ducks go into a Bar......
 'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck. 'Huey,' was the reply. 'How's your day been, Huey?' 'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey. 'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, 'Hi, and what's your name?' 'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two. 'So how's your day been, Dewey! ?' he asked. 'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?' The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?' 'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes. 'My name is Puddles.'
__________________
2008 Sportsman 500 EFI 2003 Polaris 500 Classic 1995 Yamaha Blaster 1983 Honda ATC200 1983 Honda XR100
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#10
11-12-2009, 02:31 PM
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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks.............................................. ................... why the long face.
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#11
11-12-2009, 08:29 PM
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A giraffe walks into a bar and says "High balls are on me."
__________________
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. "Only the stupid need organization, the genius controls the chaos!" - Albert Einstein
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#12
11-13-2009, 04:01 PM
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What do you call a 1000 pound woman with a condom?
A half ton with a box liner. 
__________________
____________________________________________ Woodridge Sandhogs ATV Club Member TRUE BLUE THROUGH AND THROUGH! YAMAHA FOREVER,BABY! 07' Grizzly 700 FI Special Edition -2R Racing exaust tip, 27" Bighorns
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#13
11-13-2009, 06:02 PM
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hey you got thst one from me a while back
http://www.trackshare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30359
__________________
Team W.F.O 1985- 200m Atc slight mods 1998- Formula 500 sl 2008- Crf450r, UNI filter
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#14
11-13-2009, 07:23 PM
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A sandwich walks in to a bar and the the bartender says, "I sorry, we don't serve food here"
__________________
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. "Only the stupid need organization, the genius controls the chaos!" - Albert Einstein
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#15
11-13-2009, 08:49 PM
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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#16
11-13-2009, 11:45 PM
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Quote:
__________________
____________________________________________ Woodridge Sandhogs ATV Club Member TRUE BLUE THROUGH AND THROUGH! YAMAHA FOREVER,BABY! 07' Grizzly 700 FI Special Edition -2R Racing exaust tip, 27" Bighorns
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#17
11-16-2009, 01:10 PM
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This is an awesome sign....
__________________
2008 Sportsman 500 EFI 2003 Polaris 500 Classic 1995 Yamaha Blaster 1983 Honda ATC200 1983 Honda XR100
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#18
11-16-2009, 01:16 PM
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Every hardcore camper should have a set of these:
__________________
2008 Sportsman 500 EFI 2003 Polaris 500 Classic 1995 Yamaha Blaster 1983 Honda ATC200 1983 Honda XR100
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#19
11-16-2009, 01:21 PM
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Found in the trackshare classifieds....not lol
__________________
2008 Sportsman 500 EFI 2003 Polaris 500 Classic 1995 Yamaha Blaster 1983 Honda ATC200 1983 Honda XR100
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#20
11-16-2009, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"Life has no meaning but what we give it. I wish a few more of ye would give it a little" - Elminster of Shadowdale Support ATVing in Manitoba and join your local ATVMB affiliated club today! If you do not have a club in your area, start one!
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